And now it seems I’ve come to an impasse

I’ve now become overwhelmed with everything to the point that a) it feels like a chore and b) I’m using the overwhelm of having “so much on my plate” as the distraction of a lifetime. So, I’ll use what I’ve brought forth as often as recovery allows me.

I will make a marked effort to remind myself that even if I decide to no longer persue this avenue or any of the others I’ve tried setting up for myself to maintain the “busy” schedule society calls for, it is DEFINITELY imperative for me to be able to say no, that’s enough for today and if some of the things on my list aren’t done, no big deal.

That being said, I have put a lot of focus and effort into deciding what it is I want to have my older life look like in terms of what I see as successful for myself. I will be returning to school in the fall to continue my education, and instead of meandering about getting to no particular goal, I’ve got an excellent goal and the sights are clear.

Since I’ve spent the last decade or more of my life perfecting the craft of cannabis edibles/consumables I will also be continuing to establish that, and I’ve started to write a cook book.

I would like to make videos for recipes and get them posted to youtube, so I’m hoping to get something up soon! πŸ€ͺ

I’ve been using tiktok as a “stress release” and I hate it to the extent that it’s highly addictive and I feel as though I won’t be using it for long. 😐

On the topic of shadow work, have you discovered your avoidant protocols? Some of mine are overloading myself with an impossible amount of tasks as to try to stay as busy as possible. Not a moment to rest, and I can sleep when I’m dead.

Sometimes it feels as though I’m going to come up with anything to avoid having to do the hardest work. But realizing that having meltdowns isn’t a bad thing is definitely going to be helpful in the future, because every time you hit it space that feels particularly difficult to navigate, It’s a level up.

Sometimes it feels like we’re going backwards, when realistically the wounds that have been formed Are several layers deep and each layer has its own sediment that needs to be purged.

As unfortunate as it is, many women just like me are going through this while also having to navigate repeating/relearning how to cope properly and handle situations appropriately. I say this knowing that out there somewhere, you’re reading this and knowing what I mean when I say that most days I feel like a shit parent.

The best thing I’ve learned so far is to try to do anything to separate yourself at any time that you feel overwhelmed. Take a break, walk outside and get away from whatever is going on. Even if just for a minute.

You’ve got this! πŸ’šπŸŒΏπŸ’š

Published by Bonemomma

This year I am 30 somthing, mother of two, wife, lover of skeletons, practicing emotional intelligence. Every day is another day to be better than you were yesterday. With all the information available, why not learn to be whatever it is you feel you lack?

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